The older we get, the more clutter seeps into our minds. The clutter may be birthed into existence as a new idea, an inspiration, a ray of hope, or a possibility of a brighter future. Then life takes over. The job takes over. The traumas of existing and past relationships take over. Family takes over. And that once beautiful seed — this singular ray of hope – gets stuck in “partially-grown” phase. Overtime, it gets forgotten, neglected, and abandoned. One day, the same thing happens: a new inspiration strikes like a brilliant light and once again, a seedling sprouts with abundant hope… only to be killed again; this time, not only life, job, and daily ritual, but from overthinking, guilt, overplanning (“what about my first idea? Shouldn’t I work on that first?”). This cycle repeats, with more sprouts, until one day, you have an entire field of weeds cluttering your mind, heart, soul, and spirit. It becomes so heavy that you crawl in bed, overthinking your overthinking, until you arrive to a singular conclusion: “I am useless… I can’t start. It’s too hard.”

People say to “Let go.” I don’t see the phrase “let go, let God” anywhere in the Bible. What if we re-think this and instead approach this as farmers. If Jesus just “let go” of us, we’d be finished. Instead, he tends and cares to us like his seedlings. What if we let go of the fear, anxiety, worry, angst, and simply start tending to the garden. Instead of thinking, what’s preventing you from acting. Instead of reading over your to-do list, how about read over one, and act on that one. Then repeat.

If you try this, and it magically transforms and renews your mind, please drop me a message

Just like McDonald’s has forgotten their role (not to be a high-end, fancy expensive restaurant but to be something where we can get a nice ‘ol big burger for $0.99 – oh, those delectable Big Macs with their patented sauce… *drools*), leaders of all institutions have forgotten their role: to serve.

Whether it’s national leaders, church leaders (pastors and those under), work leaders (managers or anyone in leadership roles), many of you have forgotten. And imma call you out. You are there not to be mean, to commandeer, to force, to show your authority and fluff your wings like a peacock, to demand respect, honor or praise – No. There is one true king, and that’s God. The rest of you are there to SERVE.

You are raised to a higher position NOT so you can waltz about and display your shiny new badge like a medal of honor (no, those with medals of honor have served the nation – they stepped into roles and actually risked sacrificing their lives so the rest of us could be free, have good lives, give our posterity good lives, etc.) As a manager, have you done something as noble as put down your life for your brother? As a manager, church leader, national leader, you are not there to accept bribes, instill corruption, make the rich richer, make sure your own families benefit – uh, no. You are there to SERVE those below you.

DID NO ONE WATCH SPIDERMAN…? “With great power comes great responsibility.” How is it that this message has gotten lost across the ages.

And McDonald’s, bring back your <$1 Big Mac menu. Or any $1 option please. We’re starving.

…. I am not. I am not high. I don’t do drugs, abuse alcohol, never done weed, don’t and never have liked the bar scene, don’t understand any of why people do th- oh WAIT. It’s to escape reality. Oh yeah, *psh* adult life is brutal. How did I not know this? Tinker Bell and Peter Pan and the creators who made them (Disney *cough* – Walt Disney is my non-idol id– I mean, the man I aspire to be. I mean, wait, I like being a woman, dear God, please don’t give me facial/armpit/other hairs… ok moving on) – they really knew what they were doing. How have the vast amounts of ancient biblical and spiritual wisdom and cosmic truths all converged into *teeny,tiny,itty,bitty* moments in these brilliant Disney movies for KIDS. Epiphany. I’m convinced when you reach some higher level of spiritual knowing in this universe, you realize the best crowd to share this with are NOT in fact proud, loud, arrogant, opinionated, morphed, warped ADULTS. Nooooo, it’s that future generation, those young’ins, them little people with little feet and unblemished minds and beautiful spirits. We want to preserve their souls and KEEP THEM AWAY FROM THE WORLD OF REALITY. Oh kids, if you could only be like Peter Pan… future daughter, future son, future child and grandchildren …. YOU ARE LOVED and PLEASE DON’T GROW UP. I never got this, until I realized how truly FREE being unadulterated is. And a lot of kids miss this because of childhood trauma… but that’s a different story for a different type of weather.

I came on here really because MY COMPANY IS HEMORRHAGING EMPLOYEES. (THAT IS SUCH A WEIRD WORD, WHO INVENTS WORDS WITH SILENT ‘H’S??!) I get so inexplicably irked when someone envies my position without realizing all my battle scars. It’s like walking up to a marine (I’m not comparing myself to a marine, don’t misinterpret that >.> I don’t get that honor as I never made that sacrifice. For those of you who served, thank you for your service….!) and being like “Oh you get all the benefits, how lucky are you” and not acknowledging their missing limb or their perpetually traumatized state of being. When I attended MITOC camping/hiking trips, on our way to the Intervale cabin, we had to “trespass” along someone’s backyard – there was no other route, quite literally. If MIT students say there’s no other way, you best believe, there’s no other way. Unless perhaps they invent teleportation or something, which I won’t rule out. Anyway, the man who lived there hated it. I always felt so bad for him – he had some PTSD trauma from a war (Afghanistan? I don’t know his whole story) so each time he heard sounds in the backyard, like a bunch of us hikers wearing huge backpacks trekking past, he would have a psychological episode. =_= “Excuse me sir… we’re just… trying to get to a mountain. Sorry for bringing vivid memories of being bombed to you….” Pretty awful… I wondered if there was a different way. Maybe some type of device that would communicate with him that a group of us were passing, so that he wouldn’t be alarmed and think he was being attacked?!

Anyway, here’s my “you-don’t-understand” comic.

(Shoot. Can I even include that stuff here. I probably need to censor some of that. AGHHHH. *thinking* Please come back later.)

I did it! I finally created a Sloppy Comics comic reel, like an actual reel (in post form, so the user can still click through and not have the pace rushed or be annoyed with timing, etc.) Anyway here it is (a few teaser panels):

In the full comic, yours truly (moi) is stuck in an hourglass with this secondary comci character (not sure yet if this is my mini-me, alter-ego, other…). God provides the way out whilst there are two doors; you must allow more sand to fill up before you can reach the second door – it’s a caution against “taking advantage” of God’s (or people’s) kindness. The message is: “Don’t push your luck” — when God answers your prayer, keep your side of the promise.

Sin and Heaven: Imagine that the hourglass is a symbol of somewhere you’re not supposed to be; a situation of sin (being caught in anger, pride, lust, lack of forgiveness, bitterness, a self-sabotaging mindset, etc.) You can make a quick exit or dwell in it longer and take the second door (higher up, when sin abounds more). Which would you choose?

Now, SWITCHER-OO!

Instead of two doors leading away from temptation, imagine those are two doors into Heaven. If God opened these two doors for you, which would you take? (The first one, right?)

The point is – take the first door, whether it’s going into Heaven or fleeing temptation. (For anyone who hesitates about their own worthiness and taking the first door into Heaven, I pray you see yourself the way God sees you. Choose God: what is good, holy, selfless… and love. No promises it won’t be hard; with God, you are not alone. And this, too, is my self-reminder)

So anyway, the original caption I thought of (if this had “A Thousand Times” by We Are Messengers playing in the background), was: “When he gives you a way– and you take it. A thousand, thousand times 🤍” <–(white heart emoji). For background song choices, Iwent through my “Liked” songs playlist on Spotify and searched for “Time” related songs. I got “Cher – If I Could Turn Back Time” (oh what a classic), “A Thousand Times” (this was a clear contender), “It’s Been a Long, Long Time” by Kitty Kallen and Harry James… and Justin Bieber’s “One Time” *ahem* o_o Little did I know, I was playing Bieber on speaker while filming today’s GORGEOUS sunset… annnnnnd lo and behold, Bieber-boy was playing LOUD and PROUD in the recorded video. (Who knew that if you played phone music on speaker and recorded a video simultaneously, the song would actually be audible in the video… )

Ok, what I really came here to write:

Putting together this comic panel, which by the by, I still have not published, was like pulling teeth out of a baby shark (with mama and papa shark nearby). The mental hurdles I had to jump through… the overthinking I had to overcome… @_@ My imaginative, over-planning, “must-optimize” brain was now planning 100 things ahead of my first step and SABOTAGING my first step. I literally put down my pen and paper and sprawled out on my bed in a huge unproductive slump. Since *when* did this happen?? I thought to myself, when I was little, you gave me a book and I could fill it with pages and pages of art. I remember art class in the 5th grade – the instructor gave me an art-book. Oh, how my little child eyes dazzled with wonder. Never did I have my own art book before! *drools* I filled it up in a week. I remember another student shocked: “What! I take a year… and still don’t get through all these pages!” I had thought my pace was normal until I had a standard of comparison (side note: don’t compare. Just don’t. Comparison ruins all good things, and if you get motivated by comparison, then the moment you realize no one cares, you’ll be demotivated. Find a better motivation: an awesome YOU). So, fast-forward to present-day adult me: THE WORLD IS NOW MY OYSTER AND I HAVE INFINITE NUMBER OF PAGES BECAUSE I AM AN ADULT AND CAN BUY PAPER… YAYYYY BUT NOW MY BRAIN IS CONSUMED WITH MUSH AND IS BLOCKING ALL SORTS OF CREATIVE CHANNELS THAT LEAD TO ANY PRODUCTIVITY BECAUSE DANG-IT, I KNOW TOO MUCH.

So anyhoo – the MENTAL MOUNTAINS I had to move to get myself to identify the problem, go back to basics (“How was this so much easier as a kid… Oh yeah, I didn’t *think* so much. Duhr”), and just DO rather than THINK… ah, I feel as if this is the beginning of a new sort of freedom. Backed by peace. Backed by God.

Hai-dee-ho! ~

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*random God-rant on faith vs. works just because I didn’t understand this for the longest time* (switched pastors in the last 3-4 months and oh, what a positive difference – was like when I switched from one professor in 5.111 Organic Chemistry to another professor the next semester and angels sang, both because the second professor explained concepts in a way I could comprehend and it was my second time being exposed to the same material)
“faith apart from works is dead” James 2:26 ESV.
What I FINALLY understood: Your faith in God, how much you love our God, is *shown* aka displayed through your works (actions, deeds, words, behaviors, etc.) If you walk into sin knowingly, that’s not given to you for free by what Jesus did on the cross. I don’t think people get that. READ IT AGAIN. WRITE IT ON YOUR FOREHEAD. Why? Because any knowing, sinful action shows how real your faith in our God is; how much you love our God. If you kill, steal, destroy, etc., that shows lack of faith because bad works demonstrate *not* a love for our God. True love for God is shown by following his commandments (that’s actually in the Bible, and comes from God directly). You cannot *know* God and not love him – he is love incarnate. There’s just no way to feel the over-powering, soul-filling love of God and not feel surrender back. To demonstrate your faith (which, by the way, faith is said to get you into Heaven – not gonna go into any nuances now), your works should be shining like some good fruit through and through. If this doesn’t make sense, think about this: If someone’s gallivanting about the world murdering folks, spreading division and proclaiming he loves God, whilst just repenting all the time, but carries forth evil and wicked plans and plots, you can see by his/her “works” that his/her faith is pretty dead (from the bad fruit). If you know there’s a real God and a real Hell, no way you would sanely risk it.

So, if you Love God –> then you will follow his commandments (to love God and thy neighbor, biblically eg 1 Corinthians 13 version; not how the world defines it) –> your works are good (“good fruit!”)–> shows your faith is real –> congrats, by the mercy of God, because you have believed and shown you believe in Him (faith) by how you behaved (good works), you can go home to Heaven, with our Father!

Regardless of whether this is or isn’t the only way, it is a way we are taught to know. So if you think you can act the villain and still get to heaven, then you must think there’s another way that none of us knows about. Perhaps Jesus made another way that’s not in the bible, but I’m not going to risk it! No thanks, I prefer to be set free from bondage and evil stuff… Moving on!

So, God is good, and he answers prayers and what happens when we disappoint? Do we not ask again? No! Quite honestly, He has answered some of the same prayers for me over and over again – his faithfulness is unreal. I saw this video of a shepherd rescuing this sheep from a pit of mud. As soon as the sheep is free, it does a free dive back into the mud – weeeeee! Yep, that’s us. We are some stupid sheep. Yet, God remains faithful while we are un-deserving. How great is our God???!

Thought I had earlier today:
A pastor prayed for the audience that they be not just fans of God, but followers.
Today I thought: “Do you know God, or do you know of God?”

Ta~